I recently quit a new job, just eight weeks in. The culture was toxic, and it took all my resources to move past my inner fears and say, “I quit.”

I’m an old war dog in the world of work. I’ve been in a variety of organisations and industries, and pride myself on having succeeded at whatever I do.

In my 30-year career, I’ve been privileged to work for amazing bosses and organisations. I’ve also experienced some that were, well, not so amazing.

I’ve worked in some tough and challenging environments, but the culture at this company, and my direct boss specifically, took the cake.

What made it more disappointing is that the company is consistently ranked as number one in their field.

But as Snow White realised, what the apple looks like on the outside (the market value proposition) is not always the same as its inner core (the employee value proposition).

I’m reminded of a LinkedIn post by Victoria Repa, CEO and founder of BetterMe. The picture showed her holding a placard that said, “A toxic workplace is more likely to change you than you change it.” So I voted with my feet, exercised my agency, and quit.

Fortunately, I had a supportive partner who said, “Nothing’s worth feeling this way. Leave and we’ll figure it out’”.

I’m a great believer in energy flow. Once I had made the decision to leave, opportunities to do good work with good people started coming my way.

I still stress about how to pay school fees and worry about chasing income streams every day. (There’s nothing like the comfort of a regular paycheck.) But I feel free, and I’m confident that quitting was a wise decision.

Right now, I’m in that phase between caterpillar and butterfly, where everything is formless and soupy.

I’m reconstituting my imaginal cells — those cells in the decaying caterpillar that hold the vision of the butterfly it will become.

I’m rethinking my world of work, the type of work that brings me joy, the type of organisations I want to partner with, and — mostly importantly — the feeling I want to be left with.

Many of my colleagues in the job I quit told me they became increasingly depressed as Sunday started ending and Monday beckoned. I didn’t want that feeling again.

Here’s what I’ve learned from the experience about how to deal with setbacks, and not only bounce back, but bounce forward.

Firstly, I learned to let go and bid the loss farewell. When we deal with setbacks, we need to let go of what futurists call a “used” future, which is a future that no longer serves us.

I’ve realised that I’m more portfolio lifestyle-based, and that working solely in a large, corporate setting no longer serves me.

I wrote a letter to my “used future” and bid it goodbye by tearing it up and throwing it in the bin.

I like the concept of “reasonable optimism”, coined by Michael Housal in his book of the same name. Reasonable optimism means maintaining a balanced and rationally positive outlook on life.

It’s about fostering a constructive attitude without ignoring or minimising difficulties. Optimistic individuals tend to experience less stress and are more likely to engage in proactive problem-solving.

It’s a great recipe for ensuring that when life throws you a curveball, you can bounce forward.

I also resonated with these steps posted by global HR leader Yulia Denisova on LinkedIn, in reference to quitting a toxic workplace. They can apply to any setbacks you may face.

1. Take time to recover. Setbacks take a lot out of us. Take the time to recover. In my case, I started going to yoga again and did things that relaxed me. I spent time with my family and started taking my son to skating lessons on a Friday afternoon.

   
   

2. Recognise your worth. Reflect on your strengths, accomplishments, and positive personality traits. I realised how affirming my experience had been because it reawakened my leadership abilities, my authentic way with people, and my creativity.

   
   

3. Decide who to keep. Let go of those people who brought negativity, regardless of their position and status. Keep those you’ve enjoyed working with.

   
   

4. Review what you learned. I reflected on what made this environment toxic, which brought me closer to identifying the environments I would seek out in future. I like to work with organisations that have cultures of abundance rather than scarcity, and which celebrate collaboration and co-creation.

   
   

5. Wave goodbye to bitterness or resentment before you move forward. Start keeping a gratitude journal to cultivate positive thinking, enhance optimism, and improve your emotional regulation. Spend five minutes at the end of your day to reflect on the 1:2:3: one thing you are grateful for, two things you love, and three things that inspired you during that day.